@Hey_Sascha: Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [presses every button in elevator] here's how Michael Bay ruined the ninja turtles
@sixfootcandy: Him: No more coffee for you. Me: "Why? I'm fine," I say while detailing the neighbor's car.
@TallDarkHandsy: Told my 4 yo that his hamster died and that was in heaven with God. 4yo: Why would God want a dead hamster?