@OhNoSheTwitnt: Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you.
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@GABBYdaAngSaya: Her: I'm leaving you Me: Because of the ancient Roman literature puns? Her: Yah Me: But Aenid you
@TheTweetOfGod: Justin Bieber's home has now been thoroughly searched, but police have uncovered no evidence of talent.
@robfee: (At a funeral) Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify.
@2sassymom: Twitter is awesome. You can have a boyfriend right in your phone. Available at all times. Unless his wife's around.