@OhNoSheTwitnt: Nothing like an 8:00 meeting on a Monday morning to remind you that your best years are behind you.
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@EndhooS: Wife: Ow, a bee just stung me! Me: uhoh guess i have to pee on u Wife: that's for jellyfish Me: [unzipping pants] bees don't sting jellyfish
@rudy_mustang: how would water even break? it's a liquid. im not sure i want to have a baby with a liar sharon
@titanrn: Wife ran into my ex girlfriend today. I asked if she still looked good? Always wondered what the worst thing I could say was. That was it.