@juliussharpe: Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair... the warm pavement on your face...
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@brettminor: It is crazy easy to buy a birthday cake. Even if it is no one's birthday. They don't even check.
@iamburtjarvis: [moving her panties to the side] HEY MAA, I'M MAKING ROOM FOR MY LEGOS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR DRAWER.
@WilliamAder: Arrogant Co-Worker: Do you have any idea how many years of education I have? Me: Don't feel bad, I got held back a couple of times myself.
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?