@junejuly12: Nothing like sitting on a chair at your kid's school to inspire you to never eat cookies again.
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@GrantTanaka: *races to airport *hurdles though security *sees her at boarding gate *shouts her name *romantic music swells I RAN OVER YOUR CAT
@meganamram: If you count a little kid on another kid's shoulders under a trench coat as two people, then I have had TWO boyfriends
@shariv67: When dogs suddenly stop licking themselves and stare into the distance, they're thinking, "Shit. Did I leave the iron on?"