@anotherbecky429: Nothing like the dreaded "Mom I missed the bus" text to get you up and moving.
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@thatUPSdude: I love when you're choking someone and they are all "I can't breathe", duh I'm choking you.
@Mr_Kapowski: A coworker sent me an instant message mistakenly typing "The cloak stopped working" to which I responded "OMG you can see me?!"
@MartaEffing: I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!
@Reverend_Scott: COPS: WE'RE COMIN IN "have a police dog?" COPS: YES "only the dog can come in" COP: BUT- "my house, my rules" COP: I guess that's true