@Lexactly: Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying "Cute doggie" and realizing it's their kid
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@Smooheed: "Don't worry my love, I'll breathe for the both of us" I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle
@djdarrellripley: Her: My father is very upset that I'm your girlfriend. Me: Well, duh, I'm very upset that you're my girlfriend...
@WheelTod: If I was on death row I'd request my own heart as my last meal. But they wouldn't be able to extract it til they killed me: Catch 22. I walk
@bingowings14: As I walk through the valley of the Shadow of Death, I remind myself that you can't always trust Google Maps.