@AimeeHelene1: Nothing makes me feel more "white collar" than when I'm nodding my head at someone pointing to a line graph that I know nothing about.
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@JMNuch23: When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply by 3 and add the number of guys in her phone named Tyler
@Brampersandon_: INTERVIEWER: what do you consider your greatest strength ME: ... INTERVIEWER: ... ME (38 minutes later): I'd say promptness
@DuckhouseMedia: Me, December 2016: I'm going to buy this juicer and lose some weight in January Me, January 2017: I have eaten the juicer
@TheCatWhisprer: Got the dermatologist recommended detergent and dryer sheets and I'm pretty sure it would've been cheaper to just buy a whole new body.