@zwina_summer: Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work.
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@DranoRaul: I learned two important lessons today. I can't remember the first lesson, but the second one is I have to start writing things down.
@sammyrhodes: Here’s a crazy idea. What if Budweiser took all that advertising money and actually made better beer?
@jordan_stratton: ME: You're saying I'm not smart enough for this job? BOSS: Well, yes. ME: [points to computer] Just because I can't use the typewriter TV?