@zwina_summer: Nothing makes me scream louder during sex than when my husband calls to let me know he's on his way home from work.
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@samalmightysam: Maybe Hitler became evil because he was mad that after so many years of lifting his hand nobody high fived him.
@SkylarGarland: "I'll catch up with you, I just have to make ONE more joke on Twitter" (How I'd die in a horror movie)
@t0shiba: I keep having this dream that I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?