@Marlebean: Nothing makes me worry more than the kids saying "Don't worry, we cleaned it up"
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@Sassafrantz: Every Thanksgiving I say my boyfriend broke up with me so my family lets me overeat without shame.
@dreamthievin: I get out of awkward dinner party convos by telling people it's my first outing since the psychiatrist declared me unfit to stand trial
@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.