@topaz_kell: Nothing ruins a game of hide and seek like when the cops let the K9 off the leash.
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@PeachesMcPeach: I'm at my sexiest when I'm at a stoplight and a teenage boy is checking me out then suddenly realizes his horrific mistake.
@LindaInDisguise: Me: When I was lying in bed, I found this huge lump. I need it removed. Doctor: Ma'am, that's your husband. Me: And your point is...?
@holypurgatory: A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
@KalvinMacleod: [date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it’s not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*