@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
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@MichaelTrying: My calendar says there's a new moon tomorrow. The old one was there for 4.5 billion years; you'd think people would be more excited.
@Tmoney68: Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch Jello Shotput Border Fencing Cardboard Boxing Menstrual Cycling Salad Tossing Wrestling Demons
@flashember: GUY WHO JUST LOVES SHARKS: Can I pet the sharks? SHARK HANDLER (who sometimes makes bad decisions): Yeah that should be ok
@stephenjmolloy: "Ah, Mr Bond, I-" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* "-wasn't expecting you."