@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
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@Imsohoppy: I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking.
@weinerdog4life: How do I stay in shape? I stole an ostrich, it chases me around the house all day, i hate it
@SCbchbum: Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I'm getting paid to tell him his job.