@astutenewf: Nothing sadder than the look on my dogs face when I drop food from the table and they realize it's lettuce.
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@TheTweetOfGod: NEW YEAR'S LOGIC 1. The planet is passing through an arbitrary spot on its unceasing orbit around the sun. 2. Time to lay off chocolate.
@canadasandra: [getting a massage] Me: I have tension in my lower back. *therapist begins* Me: Lower. Me: Lower. Th: But that's your a- Me: Lower!
@Chumpstring: [hospital] DOCTOR: you're ok ME: so it was just a dream DOCTOR: no your heart did turn into a bowl of cereal but your system is accepting it