@954LeenO: nothing saves money like being antisocial
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@QuietPsycho: Absinthe For when you'd love to wake up in the morning...naked on a raft in your neighbour's pool, but lack the motivation
@BlackCatBettie: I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready.
@withanewname: *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"
@TheMichaelRock: Some schools are banning Santa so they don't offend non-Christian students. That sucks, because Santa is my favorite part of the Bible.