@badbanana: Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
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@Tmoney68: [Bar] Friend: I'm just lucky, I guess. Nothing ever embarrasses me. Drunk Me: Challenge accepted.
@noog: One time I made a snowman and gave him a cucumber nose. Carrot noses are the standard protocol but I'm what u would call a rebel.
@Reverend_Scott: DOG 911: What's your emer- DOG: HE THREW A BALL BUT I CAN'T FIND IT DOG 911: He still holding it? DOG: YES! HOW'D HE FETCH IT BEFORE ME??