Nothing says "I don’t take you seriously" like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.

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@sarahyehia82: Nothing says “I don’t take you seriously” like your dog wagging his tail when you are yelling at him.

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@dshack8: 3 Best Uses for Oven Timers: 1. Remind you of beer in the freezer 2. Pizza rolls 3. Notify guests when their time's up & they should leave

@GaryJanetti: "I'm a model." I see. And does anybody else know that?

@deardilettante: Dating me is like a walk in the park - Jurassic Park.

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@WhaJoTalkinBout: For a dude who just shot a man in the head, the guy from Bohemian Rhapsody seems quite sanctimonious about getting spit on.

@Spotzwoj: Kept nodding off at an estate auction and bought a garden gnome for 3 million dollars.

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