@Quartzjixler: Nothing says "I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@LindaInDisguise: Me: My blood pressure is sky high. I need to get my affairs in order. Him: Make a will? Me: I was thinking flings with hot men, but OK.
@DaddyJew: Mechanic: what seems to be the problem? Me: nice try buddy, that's what I'm paying you for
@SoFarFetchd: "You know what, we need a huge spoon to take care of this" -Guy who invented shovels
@LaniBeno: I don't understand what you mean by 'stop drinking so much'. How else will you know how much I love you at 2am every day?