@Quartzjixler: Nothing says "I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom.
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@KalvinMacleod: [highschool reunion] CLASSMATE: I'm a top chef. You? ME: I'm an avoca C: a what M: an avoca C: what's an avoca do M: a top chef would know
@AbbyHasIssues: The cashier told me to have a good New Year like my purchase of oven cleaner and frozen pizza suggests anything else.
@drinksmcgee: I always buy a woman a popsicle on the first date to get a feel for how things might go later.