@Quartzjixler: Nothing says "I enjoyed the taste of paste, fingerpaint, and crayons in first grade" more than a potato chip bag opened from the bottom.
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@GrantTanaka: *sees burglar *throws flashlight at him *misses *throws another *misses *throws another *misses *throws another Burglar: WTF Me: COSTCO
@Brianhopecomedy: My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn't even come close to my 5 year old's reaction when I told him that there's no school today.
@JayCee302: Me: Yeah man, got her right where I want her Bartender: Oh yeah? Me: Yup, sitting at home while the cable man works on th ::rushes home::