@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
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@beefman138: Teenaged girls post pics of their bodies and they're 'sexy.' I post pics of my bodies and I'm a 'Serial Killer.'
@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
@squirrel74wkgn: Welcome to my home. There are 43 night lights just in case you'd like to wander the house at 3am.
@DomesticGoddss: Doing United States puzzle with 7 when he tells me that "Alabama should be called Mr. Sippi since it's next to Mrs. Sippi."