@RocketRankoon: Nothing says rock bottom quite like having your head in the oven for 45 minutes before you realize you forgot to pay the gas bill
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@Jam453Lane: Putting up Christmas decorations was a bad idea. I'm drunk and stuck on top of the house with an inflatable Easter Bunny.
@collegefession: "I always keep a textbook with me when I hook up with girls so there's no walk of shame I'm an early morning scholar #3.9GPA" - NSU
@Rollmaninoz: Boss: ok just bear with me *I growl and start clawing the air* B: wtf are you doing Me: I..You said.. B:first ‘snail mail’ now this..Just go
@briangaar: HELLO 911, I NEED TO REPORT A HALO SCORE THAT'S "CRIMINALLY" HIGH LOL!!!! ... yes you can talk to my mom