@envydatropic: Nothing says you don't trust your family like pre-payment of your funeral
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@myqkaplan: okay, so you're definitely the best at keeping your body completely still, what do you want, atrophy?
@Robert_Beau: The Job Interview: HR: So you are bilingual? Me: Si HR: In your native tongue please. Me: Ooga Booga
@KeetPotato: [my dog lays down on my date's lap instead of mine] date: "i had a good time tonight" me: "i think you need to leave"
@Kim_pulsive: There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug