@OneFunnyMummy: Nothing says you're a parent like being jealous of a tree because it's all alone.
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@Donna_McCoy: If you want to piss off a narcissist, just tell 'em that subtweet wasn't about them.
@TheAlexNevil: All the king's horses and men stand over Humpty. Puzzled, they go back to reading the IKEA instructions.
@FatherWithTwins: Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn't do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.