@OneFunnyMummy: Nothing says you're a parent like being jealous of a tree because it's all alone.
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@TheHyyyype: ME: seen the loch ness monster? HER: it's not real M: *unzips pants* wanna bet? H: *rolls eyes* sure M: k i'll pee and then we'll google it
@ShaunRightNow: I'll always remember the day my wife said "yes" to my proposal. And I'll never forget that it was the last thing we ever agreed on.
@thestlouisan: [Delivery room] Her: I was thinking we could call him Rob Me: If we're naming him after felonies, why not just call him Arson, Linda?!