@WineMummy: Nothing says you're over your ex like showing up at his wedding with a bride and groom voodoo doll.
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@MandiAtRandom: Him: Will you marry me? Me: omg what did I do, why don't you want to have sex with me anymore?
@QwertyJones3: [group therapy] "I always feel unnoticed" NINJA: I hear ya CHAMELEON: Same GUY WITH CAMOUFLAGE PANTS: It's like we're all soulmates
@Book_Krazy: Mommy what's an "Act of God?" Me: *Flashback to my CrossFit trainer* Well dear, an "active god" is in his mid-20s and has a smokin hot body
@superdadatron: *Opens fridge *Sees chocolate bar with a note "please don't eat me". *Eats chocolate bar Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?