@WineMummy: Nothing says you're over your ex like showing up at his wedding with a bride and groom voodoo doll.
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@sad_tree: *Killer sneaks into my house to murder me but sees me practicing karate w/ my big stuffed dog I won from the carnival and changes his mind*
@DillDoes: Monkey: "We're not so different" Me: "Did that monkey just talk to me" Monkey: "Monkey noise" Me: "Did it just say 'monkey noise'?"
@WheelTod: "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "Where do Cowboys come from?" "Well, son. When a cow and a boy love each other very, very much..."
@Thynebear: "What? Only 2% Milk? Then what's the other 98%!?" [bull walking confidently out of the factory] Oh you don't wanna know