@mrsmith196645: Nothing scares me more than when my husband answers me and I'm left wondering just how much he's actually been listening.
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@CynicalCanuck: Am I in the Mile High Club if I jerk off under a blanket on a plane? Just kidding, United doesn't have blankets. Sorry lady in seat 21B
@longwall26: Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for "fun." We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity
@brynnester: [Restaurant] Waiter: Would Sir care to choose his lobster? Me: There's only 1 in the tank & he's holding a sign that says 'I have a family'