@_eric_alexander: Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
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@jdbalani: Define Marriage: It's a way through which two people join together to solve the problems they never had before.
@UncleDuke1969: Me: I haven’t tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on… *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived.