@_eric_alexander: Nothing screams DUI like wearing a really nice suit on a city bus.
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@zacharyflynn: One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn't really fit me anyway.
@kibblesmith: But if two men get married, they'll BOTH be stupid in detergent commercials and then no one will buy the correct detergent.
@AnnDabromowitz: When I'm CEO of Subway, employees will no longer be called "sandwich artists." They will be "sub humans."