@Jason_maybe: Nothing sets a bad precedence like your boss catching you actually working.
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@SveldtSmelt: I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning.
@Reverend_Scott: [funeral] He looks so natural. Ya, but he looks a little stiff. *raises from the dead* "That's what... *gargle* ...she said." *dies again*
@StrugglesBGbb: My mom told me today that she is surprised I don't have a cat. I told her I was surprised she has a husband.
@sixfootcandy: Boss: Can you redact the total before sending the statement? Me: Sure. Right after I look up the word redact.