@SCbchbum: Nothing snaps a woman into full blown CSI mode faster than an unfamiliar ponytail holder in her car.
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@WheelTod: My key takeaway from Ghostbusters was that once you're dead, your Miranda rights don't count for shit.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Cops are raiding Justin Bieber's house looking for eggs. Seriously. Eggs. I can't make this shit up. This is why other countries hate us.
@thestlouisan: I just want to have enough followers so that my children can tweet comfortably for the rest of their lives.
@yoopnative: "Do NOT wake her up! It took me thirty minutes to get her to shut up and go to sleep." -Conversation I just had about a damn Furby.