@AristotlesNZ: Nothing solves all of life's biggest problems like a well-timed, awkward & overly complicated kick to the face. -The Karate Kid.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4 y.o: I used the potty. Can I have a treat? Me: No. You always go in the potty 4: I can stop Me: Apparently I negotiate with terrorists
@AlmightyBored: During a natural disaster be sure to keep your phone with you at all times. You never know when you might think of a joke to tweet.