@Donna_McCoy: Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, "I got you a present!"
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@robfee: No one is more unnecessarily confident than a white person that just ordered Mexican food in a Spanish accent.
@novicefather: A breakfast buffet at my funeral so people will be happy. But with soy bacon and chia seed pancakes so they know it's a time to grieve.
@JCautomatic: [Dentist's] Me: *lying back with mouth full of cotton wool* Dentist: So what do you do? Equipment trolley 3ft away: I'm a ventriloquist