@Donna_McCoy: Nothing stops me in my tracks faster than a five year old saying, "I got you a present!"
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@ElodiaHugesfxh: "You ask." "No, you ask!" "Will you please ask?" "Why can't you ask?" "Fine... Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!"
@causticbob: A police man came up to me with a sniffer dog and said, "This dog tells me you're on drugs." "I'm on drugs? You're the one talking to dogs"
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.
@Owl_Meat: [presidents 2km race - finish line] OBAMA (checks stopwatch): just under 10 mins, did I beat the record? CLINTON: no, Bush did 9:11