@mishakey: Nothing terrifies me more than hearing, "Mommy close your eyes I have a present."
@Robert_Beau: My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn't my finger.
@TheDizzyBeauty: Kinda creepy that my kids got in a screaming match over which one is my favorite since I don't have any kids.
@archpics: Hilarious Architecture Fails
@DaddyJew: Safe sex is stupid. Safes can't get pregnant.
@littlelady899: When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?