@RetweetJoel: "Nothing there? Better bark at it." - a dog
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@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
@spark_asis: I don't get why someone would want the house in a divorce. "your honor, I'd like to keep the building where my soul was sucked dry."
@JimmerThatisAll: This day in history. 2001. Holland legalized assisted suicide for those with terminal illnesses or "It's a Small World" stuck in their head.
@TechnicallyRon: Christmas as a child: "Socks and Money? This is ridiculous!" Christmas as an adult: "SOCKS AND MONEY? HOW DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED. I LOVE YOU"