@LackOfShame: Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.
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@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
@WilliamAder: I don't think a single person at the office noticed that I shaved off my mustache. All I heard all day long was, "Where are your pants?"