@rad_milk: [notices a girl is cold] here take my pants
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@Royceda59: I bought condoms. Cashier asked if I needed a bag, I said no she's not that ugly RT @HeroinHadley:Tweet something inspirational. I need it.
@TheThryll: You can usually win any arm wrestling contest by simultaneously leaning in for a kiss.
@Playing_Dad: Teacher: Does anyone have questions? Me: If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? T: Holy Shit
@seamussaid: teaching my 1yo daughter to shout "Mike Wazowski!" every time someone opens a closet door