@djdarrellripley: Now, if you all will excuse me I'm going into my closet and I'm not coming out until I find something with an elastic waist...
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@SadFaceOtter: Lost your keys? Why not try looking in the same two places 16 times whilst getting increasingly angrier
@MsSouthernStems: The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
@MaraWritesStuff: "You kids and your smartphones, when we were your age we just dealt with having nothing to do with our hands." *Lights another cigarette*
@david8hughes: [the last supper] Waiter: ok, your bill comes to 30 pieces of silver Judas: I got this