@lanyardigan: Now imagine how close together the presidents' bodies are, under their Mount Rushmore heads.
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@HiddenPinky: How'd you get a black eye? Walked into a door. [Later, another shiner] More doors? *nods* One does not simply walk into more doors.
@WilliamAder: It takes a long time to delete 900 million dollars worth of stuff from an Amazon shopping cart.
@TheToddWilliams: WIFE: What’re you doing in the garage? ME: I made a cloning machine. WIFE: Don’t do anything stupid. OTHER ME: Like what?