@SpeakComedy: Now remember kids; if a stranger offers you drugs say thank you because drugs are expensive ;)
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@Sickayduh: Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"
@ShutUpThatsWho: Interviewer: Your CV is a flip book of you setting things on fire. Me: Wrong. If you flip the pages the other way I'm putting the fires out.
@LittleMissZesty: I've just used glitter spray paint in a confined space, and now I'm on another planet busting disco moves with an intoxicated pixie.
@KKAlThani: I'm not the jealous type. And no I don't know why every time you talk to someone the police find their body dumped in a river the next day.