@jordan_stratton: Now tell me how old your baby is in HOURS.
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@Adar79Angie: "You can't build your own man." They told me. But they underestimate my low standards. And my shopping cart full of luncheon meats.
@FattMernandez: When someone asks if I want to hold their baby, I casually mention that I'm constantly tempted to see how far I can throw things.