@jordan_stratton: Now tell me how old your baby is in HOURS.
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@FatherWithTwins: Some Olympians have been training since they were 5. I'm hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.
@AndrewNadeau0: Are Millennials Destroying My Wife’s Favorite Lamp I Don’t Know How They Got in Either but I Definitely Wasn’t Practicing Karate in the Living Room so We Know It Wasn’t That
@reczit: Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM.
@Lisabug74: 8 out of 10 ladies at a karaoke bar who sing,“I Will Survive,” are hoping the enemies who wronged them are in the audience.