@dafloydsta: Now that Christmas is over, don't forget to be thankful for all the children in China who made your kid's toys.
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@SSDated: This guy in the elevator asked for my number so I wrote it on his arm. Apparently he meant which floor, so that was awkward.
@Karate_Horse: You can sign up for as many karate classes as you want there is literally no one monitoring this
@AdamOfEarth: [Heart: Tell her her eyes are windows into eternity, filled with fire... Brain: Beacons, stars in a vast darkness] Mouth: HEY GREAT EYEBALLS
@Sean_Burgundy_: [1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?