@dafloydsta: Now that Christmas is over, don't forget to be thankful for all the children in China who made your kid's toys.
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@wittwitbarista: With the magic of makeup, I go from tired old hag to tired looking old hag with eyeliner.
@curlycomedy: You never see baby pigeons because pigeons are cloned by the government. Next question.
@dumbbeezie: Way down on the bottom of the twitter user licensing agreement in tiny font it says "Say goodbye to your family"
@Sanbel11: You haven't Instagramed what you had for dinner yet? Please hurry up, the suspense is killing me.