@OhNoSheTwitnt: Now that Fox News is 18 can we send it to Iraq?
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@tchrquotes: Student: I want a bunny, but my dad says bunnies just die. Me: So? You're going to die, and he had you.
@2tickytacky: When someone yells "Fire!" at my house, I'll be the first to leap from the toilet and fall flat on my face because my legs fell asleep
@GabbbarSingh: People with Swiss bank accounts are often confused between their Bank balance and the Back Account number.
@JaneBadall: When I have to make a difficult decision in life I think what would grandma do, then I leave home in my nightie & shout at random strangers.