@OhNoSheTwitnt: Now that HBO has a partnership with Sesame Street we'll finally learn how to spell the names of all the Game of Thrones characters.
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@Marlinaire: Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $1.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
@nPhelendriqal: A buddy gave me some of his pee in a jar so I could pass a drug screen. I failed, which is weird, cause I drank ALL of it.
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is at the supermarket, standing by the cucumbers & laughing hysterically, pointing at them with tears streaming down his face
@squirrel74wkgn: One time, I pulled my pants down to moon someone & accidentally opened the car door instead of the window & rolled down the street naked.