@gamecox93: Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space.
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@LeBearGirdle: *texting with girls* Her: I <3 you Me:[throws phone in disgust but picks it up and texts back angrily] you're less than 3
@audipenny: Oh no I got so excited that you texted me that I accidentally replied 11 thousand times and then swung into your house on a rope
@MarkAFuqua_Hunt: You say you're an atheist, yet you tell people they can "go to hell!" Make up your mind already.