@timcarvell: Now that it's abandoned nudes, I hope Playboy goes with its other major brand identity and becomes a magazine about a very fancy rabbit.
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@Momtoteens: When I go see my drug dealer, she makes me lay on a couch and talk to her for an hour first.
@ibid78: "We should see other people" PIGEON: coo "It's not u it's me" - coo "I'm breaking up w/ u" - coo "I'm sleeping w/ ur brother" - not coo
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter
@UncleDuke1969: [furniture store] Wife: We're putting in a bar. Salesman: OK Wife: And... S: Yes? W: Go ahead, say it. Me: WE'RE GONNA NEED A STOOL SAMPLE.