@shatty48: Now that I've removed my windshield wipers I shouldn't be getting anymore parking tickets.
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@KatWar1: [Enters Building] "Excuse..." *Voice fades* "... anyone..." "... how to..." "... out this..." "... ving door?"
@BuckyIsotope: Nude Descending a Staircase is both my favorite work of art and the most common entry on my criminal records.
@CloydRivers: I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica.
@XplodingUnicorn: My boss said he wanted the fire drill to be as realistic as possible, but then he yelled at me for looting. Make up your mind, bro.