@TheMichaelRock: Now that oil is so cheap, we should start drilling for black printer ink.
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@TheAlexNevil: 7: Where are you and Mom going tonight? Me: To meet with your teacher. 7: Oh, you don't need to. I already saw her today.
@lloydrang: Things i use duct tape for, by percentage: Pranks: 35% Car repair: 35% Wrapping presents: 20% Medical emergencies: 10% Ducts: 0%
@disco_bird: All firemen must dread the moment when they're done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
@pinningnut: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches"