@erikbransteen: Now that they found water on #Mars, how long before they bottle it & sell it at Whole Foods for $19?
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@iAmDelFreaky: Me: So, hypothetically speaking, if we were dating would I get any free food? Her: Uh, excuse me? Me: *sigh* #1 combo with cheese, please.
@LoveNLunchmeat: [reading online survey] Are you ready to double your satisfaction? My god this sounds wildly inappropriate. *clicks yes*
@iwearaonesie: *sneaks into sons room to scare him* *trips over skateboard* *steps on something squishy* *turns light on* *makes him clean his room*
@jdforshort: "Hitting it hard as shit" and "tickling the hole" are not phrases that I would have associated with golf before today