@DamienFahey: "Now, tilt your head and give me total scumbag!" - Realtor headshot photographer
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@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
@BillFienberg: I just saw an article titled "Can We build a Real Jurassic Park?" DID YOU FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MOVIE?!
@stephenjmolloy: Pilot: "What does this button do?" *intercom turns on* Pilot: "Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."
@DamienFahey: I just dropped my phone in the toilet and for a second I stood over it and thought, "That's where it belongs."