@capricecrane: Now's a good time to change your facebook name to "Nobody," so when you click like on ignorant statuses it says, "Nobody likes this."
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: I want us to share our emotions with the whole group today. Who wants to go first? ME: Me! T: Thank you! ME: [leaving] No problem
@BobTheSuit: *gets email* -Do you want to chat with hot nineteen-year olds in your area?- *responds* "Can any of them help me with this iTunes update?"
@jakob_huber: The worst part of Aquaman's day is when he has to kill time on land for half an hour after eating a meal.