@Tommytoughstuff: Number one rule as a snake charmer, never fall in love.
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@UberFacts: Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
@truegritrumble: ME: I'm gonna plug my Twitter handle. WIFE: Please don't. ME: I'm gonna do it *walks to the microphone in front of the funeral*
@WilliamAder: In a perfect world, the phrase "axe body spray" would only be used to refer to blood splatter patterns.