@DrDogMD: NURSE: I promise. It's ok. You can come in.
MAILMAN (trembling): are..are you sure
DR DOG: *locked in his office just going freakin nuts*
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@thetits: [just meeting a new group of people] My brain: say something cool and different Me: HOW YA'LL GOT?? Brain: nice
@jeffporper: Just ordered a pizza and jogged past my gym holding it over my head like the Olympic torch.
@The_Grant_Boldt: God: okay I need to create something to fill the dark empty void in the meaningless lives of unmotivated people [creates Twitter]
@Vice_Queen: LIFE LESSON: Never do anything which you don't want to explain to the Paramedics.
@electroskippy: [installing program] Operation Status: 1 min left Me: Yes! Finally! *30 minutes later* Operation Status: 60 mins left Me: Wait. What?
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