@JasonLastname: Nutella. A delicious mix of nuts and umbrellas.
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@HeyZeus666: I just realized that no matter what it says on my tombstone I'm going to have to read it upside down.
@dafloydsta: [job interview] Says here you're good with nicknames? "I don't wanna brag Super Cool Interviewer Man" *under his breath* holy shit he's good
@Scdavis24: I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!