@Beatweek: Obama has been endorsed by Warren Buffett, Colin Powell, Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. Romney has been endorsed by Lindsay Lohan.
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@HeyZeus666: I've been eating sunflower seeds and Tweeting for 9 hours. Now I know what my canary feels like.
@ArfMeasures: SEXY FLATMATE: I miss my boyfriend ME: The doctor? F: He never comes round anymore ME [smiling at my room full of apples] Yeah it's so weird
@Ygrene: Me (being murdered): hey I need to switch the laundry Murderer (stops stabbing): oh dang you don't want that stuff sitting in the washer
@KevinFarzad: College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.