@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
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@Inconsteveable: "Did you realise that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes" are exactly the same?"
@moose_chocolate: The groundhog in our town died on Sunday. I can't imagine how long our winter will be now.
@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
@Barknado69: Waiter: how did you two meet Me: this is actually a blind date W: *much louder* SORRY I SAID HOW DID YOU TWO MEET