@ChaseMit: Obama says he supports gay marriage because his views have "evolved." Republicans unsure which half of the sentence to get more angry about.
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@dazedandsincere: Young man cashier: Ma'am, if you don't mind me saying, you have really beautiful eyes. What I heard: Ma'am
@ArchiePeeler: Giving our 3-yr-old son the big news... Wife: We're having a baby! Son: Keep it in there. Me: Well, we can't -- Son: Keep. It. In.