@cjwerleman: Obama turns 52 today. Republicans vote to repeal it.
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@hipstermermaid: I got 99 problems and they're all friend requests from people I didn't like in high school.
@just1fool: My only real regret in life is not pretending to be a shark in a heavily populated swimming area. But there's still time.
@FatherWithTwins: By the time my 5yo is done with his dinner, it'll be time to start applying to colleges.
@Xalqee: If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?