@cjwerleman: Obama turns 52 today. Republicans vote to repeal it.
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@TheSharona06: At the grocery store, buying 6 of the same item Cashier: Are these good? Me: No. I'm buying all of them just to save others from suffering
@Coastiefish: This guy says he rides a bike 20 miles a day, and then runs 5 miles a day too. Yo bro, you gotta get a car.
@PajamaBen_: *cop pulls me over* Have you been drinking? No I- *water bottle now full of wine* *officer lowers shades. its Jesus* No one will believe you
@ScottLinnen: So many haunted "mansions." Sad how this country is killing the middle class ghost.