@bridger_w: Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout "Everybody be cool!" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets.
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@BonaFideIntent: Me: I won't be in due to a VOLCANO Boss: ..we live, in Florida..? Me: IRRELEVANT Boss: Me: *opens 3rd bottle of vodka, puts on arm floaties*
@hardlyrelevant: (interview for construction job) Foreman: Your resume is just pictures of LEGOs? Me: (proudly) Didn't even have to look at the instructions