@bridger_w: Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout "Everybody be cool!" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets.
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@mjkspeaks: [shopping] May I help you find something? “Where are the giants?“ What? “Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“
@iAmDelFreaky: Some hipsters were camping next to me and asked for help starting a fire. So, I chased one around until his corduroys burst into flames.
@InternetHippo: “What attracted you to our company?” Well, I heard you pay money in exchange for work